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Being abused when you are too kind

The saying "turn the other cheek" is not applicable anymore because when you are too kind and generous, you tend to be abused. It seems to me that the world is full of opportunists who are waiting for the time to take advantage of the kindness and generosity. This is what prompted us to ignore any attempt to borrow money from us. Some people think that we are rich because we have our own house and we also have 2 cars. But in truth, our money is just enough for us. And if we lend money to people and they don't pay, what happens? We lost the money and we likewise loss a friend.


  • You know what, this has been a problem of mine for many years now. I am too nice in the sense that I'm taken advantage of already. I don't assert myself when I think they're doing something wrong already and taking advantage of my kindness. Oftentimes, borrowed things don't return to me anymore. And I'm too shy to even ask for it back. And I think this is an unhealthy kind of being nice. 

    We need to stand up for ourselves. Learn to say "no" to people who are just abusing our kindness. Learn to know when it's enough and should be "no more." Because in the end, we lose not just material things but relationships and self-esteem as well.
  • Posts: 64
    This is difficult because you want to do good and be good, but many people take advantage of that. But when I see people who are taken advantage of in this way, I think it somehow makes them even more "holy" in a way, because they are giving without receiving and almost suffering from their giving, yet they continue to be true to themselves and do what they feel is right.

    I myself have more trouble being nice in this way.  I want to do good, but have a cynical outlook sometimes and specifically don't want people to think they can take advantage of me. Sometimes I think one should pray one what is the right thing to do. 
  • @Corzhens It is better to keep your money and lose that friend. By now you would realize that person was not your friend at all. It is okay to lend from time to time, but there is no virtue in being kind to the point of depriving yourself. I used to give and give until I lost a job and was flat out broke. Not one of my so called friends were able to help in my dilemma and many said bad things about me when I even started losing weight and my landlord wanted to throw me out. No virtue in over extending yourself. GIVERS NEED TO LEARN TO SET LIMITS BECAUSE TAKERS DON'T HAVE ANY.
  • @Simona I know what you mean. One time I helped a stranger and ended up being robbed in the end. That's the way the world is, you cannot trust anyone. You just cannot be nice to everyone without making some thought on whether they really need help or whether they will take advantage of you. It's somehow conflicting that you only want to help, but in the end, you're the one who's taken advantage of. But like you said, it doesn't matter because you'll be more blessed that way.
  • Posts: 40
    The "turn the other cheek" is a little more profound and significant than that, this is an universal truth under we as Catholics live, you can't simply claim that it is not applicable anymore. Turning the other cheek has little to do with lending money, for which there is no obligation really, it's up to you to decide if you do it, it has to do with loving even your enemies.
  • I had this happening to me too often. I always want to help people. I understand that some people take this with a pinch of salt but they need to realize some of us are really honest and true when we say we want to help. However, there is a good side in all this. I good friend of mine told me once that we need to either help people or to kick their asses. I always laughed at that statement but he was right. Over the time I developed Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde thing and I am really always nice at first but when some idiots react aggressively on my goodness well, my other side prevail.
  • Posts: 68
    I think the world was a much better place years ago. I think we all agree that things, time and people have changed in major ways. It's now a kind of world where it's 'to each his own.' I don't know if people are changing to to survive or they have genuinely just become more selfish than days gone by. The closest friends and family you have will easily hurt you as if it didn't matter, because it's all about survival.
  • Posts: 23
    Matthew 5:44 tells us that we should love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you. It's not about what they do about us, it's what we do about them. What's important is we did what is right and become a light and have a good testimony of Christ in our lives (Matthew 5:13-16)

    But then again, Matthew 10:16 tells us to be as tame as a sheep, innocent as a dove, but as shrewd as serpents. Don't take vengeance to them, but instead, pray for them and be wiser than them. 
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